Author of 'Do I have to be good all the time?' wondering about life, love and awkward moments. A lot of of awkward moments, actually. And sometimes chocolate. You have been warned…

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Where does the time go? Mostly on persuading you all to complete surveys!

There are still a few days if you want to listen to me presenting the Daily Service on BBC Radio 4. The theme is divine economics, and I talk about goldfinches and space and who decides what we value and why. (A brief FAQ: Did you choose the music, Vicky? Answer: I did not.)

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Thank you for being trusting souls / good sports and sharing your thoughts and experiences over the last few months. The Real Life Love survey had nearly 1500 responses by the time I closed it in January. That’s a lot of stories. I’m now buried under piles of other people’s books about relationships, history, linguistics, and philosophy as well as muchos data. If you missed the survey and have thoughts to share, you can get in touch anonymously via this link. And if you’re a Christian in a relationship with someone who isn’t, there’s an extra little survey here if you’d like to tell me how that is. Anonymously, of course. For very occasional general news and updates on the project and book, there’s a mailing list sign up here.

My website is updated with all kinds of links to things written and spoken. Have a look here if you’re interested. I’ve mostly been engrossed in Real Life Love research since I last remembered I had a blog but here’s a little piece on gentrification I wrote earlier this year.

Til we meet again…


If we didn’t see each other face to face at the Threads sexy talk event back in July (I wrote this about sexy times ahead of it), there are a couple of opportunities coming up. Next Monday I’ll be at the fantastic Greenbelt festival on a panel organised by dating aficionados Christian ConnectionGreenbelt-web-footerWe’ll be debating ‘Has online dating changed everything?’, kept in order by the lovely Kate Bottley, Googlebox vicar. There are hundreds of hours of brilliant programming at the festival covering arts, faith and justice, so if you’re coming along, try to say hello. Good chance to meet lots of interesting people too – and it’s supposed to be sunny. Perfect bank holiday outing. Especially if you’re a camper.

flanders RLLOn the subject of love and dating, a very big thank you if you’re one of the nearly 950 brilliant people who’ve completed the Real Life Love survey already. So grateful for all the thoughts, opinions, experiences, and ideas you’ve shared. If you haven’t yet, there’s still time. Spare an hour (or less) for an in-depth vent or happy reflection on all you know about how Christians talk about relationships between men and women, love, dating, marriage, family, and all that jazz. I’d love to get as wide a perspective as possible so if you haven’t already, are there people you’d be happy to share the link with? Of course there are. HERE IT IS!

prem  digi 16And, if you like planning ahead, we can also look into each other’s eyes (from something of a distance) at the Premier Digital conference in November. It’s a fun and interesting day, covering all things online, followed by an awards ceremony (there’s still a week to nominate people and things for great faith-based online engagement). I’m doing two premdac talksessions: chairing a debate called ‘They all hate me! How do you cope when the web turns against you?‘ and then an exciting seminar in the Thinkers stream (I know…) about art and death in the digital age. ‘Reaching Beyond: Bowie, Prince and the new eternity‘. This year has been a shocking one for much-loved artists departing without warning. I am intrigued by two in particular: the clever, carefully planned exit of David Bowie, and the unexpected, accidental death of Prince, and how these were captured, manipulated, and became global events because of digital technology. How does this interact with the Christian view on the eternal and life after death? You can see the full conference programme here.

Hope to see you somewhere along the way (and don’t forget the survey…)


When I was at University a few years back now, studying history of art before it was the way to meet a future king, and grants were available for the non-monied, I was introduced to the concept of CRASH. Standing for Class, Race, Age, Sexuality, and Handicap, it was a basic tool for beginning to think about who had advantages over who and why and what impact this might have on life chances and the art a person might produce. As a young, straight, white woman it was likely I would have fewer obstacles than an older, wheelchair-using, black, lesbian, for example (cue political correctness gone mad tutting and all the eye rolling). All should have been well in my world – aside from minor issue of the list of risks women face for being women. I did have a black partner though. A privately educated young man from a respectable family, training to be a lawyer. Spoiler: that counted for little in many situations.

That one R variable made a ton of difference. Over a few years I lost count of the number of times he was stopped by the police for suspected involvement in a crime, even ones he’d been nowhere near. A citizens arrest, in one case, as he walked home at night from his shift at the call centre we both worked in during holidays. A pregnant woman had apparently been mugged and he was literally the nearest black man. The reason given by the white men who grabbed him was Continue reading


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Huge thanks to all you lovely people who’ve completed the Real Life Love survey so far. Your responses are invaluable to what will be my new book, looking at romantic interactions between men and women, how these are affected by faith and church experiences and how we find healthy ways through no matter what. So I’d love to know: what are your experiences of Christian teaching on how men and women should meet, date, marry and live with each other happy ever after? Where do you go for advice? What books helped or hindered? What are you concerned about?  What about staying single? What is off limits for you, if anything?

Take the REAL LIFE LOVE survey here.

Over 700 of you wonders have shared your experiences and thoughts so far. Thank you! I would love to hear from more to get a really broad range of views. So, if you haven’t responded already, please do. If you have friends of any age, marital status and church experience, I’d be really grateful if you’d ask them too. If you’d like to be totally anonymous, you can. Only a small number of questions are compulsory; the majority are optional. You can spend 20 minutes or a couple of hours (or days…) on it, and click past anything that isn’t relevant!

LGBTQ people are really welcome to respond too if you have experience of this element of Christian culture – there is space for comments if questions don’t apply.  While the scope of the book won’t extend to LGBTQ relationships – rather focusing on how the church teaches about the area of men and women attracted to people of the opposite sex – I would welcome anyone who would like to to respond with their thoughts and stories on how Christian culture talks about this.

Oh, and if any part of the video below resonates with you, I’m sure you’d find the survey very therapeutic…


Being a proper woman is my life goal and thus I turn – as do many females working from home, taking care of children or not otherwise engaged – to ITV’s This Morning where lessons in excelling in femininity flow daily. Award winning and with an audience of millions (them not me), I’m in good hands.

I can expect my outfits to be analysed and graded by an all-knowing panel of reality stars and a jaunty Irish man, expert in culotte length and the ways of the box pleat. I am told nude heels will add a classy touch to any outfit (assuming I’m nothing other than pale and white, obvs) though also that heels are out and sandals are in – a paradox I can digest more easily while utilising the information that white chocolate goes well with sparkling wine. I have learned Continue reading