Author of 'Do I have to be good all the time?' wondering about life, love and awkward moments. A lot of of awkward moments, actually. And sometimes chocolate. You have been warned…

It keeps happening

I thought I was ahead of the game. Five minutes early to walk rather than jog (unwillingly) to the station, as usual. Be a little bit leisurely, even on a Monday. Instead I spent those five minutes watching a man assault his girlfriend, in the street, out in the open. I watched her apologise, try to protect herself, persuade him not to hit her again. I spent those five minutes conspicuously standing across the street, making sure they could see me, asking if everything was OK, waiting in the silence for a response. Yeah OK, they said eventually, first him, then her. Ceasefire, waiting for me to leave. I didn’t leave. Five minutes early, remember, time to stand and wait. He started again, vocal aggression, ridiculous accusations, leaning in, intimidating her. “There are people here, you know,” I tell him, “people all around. People can see”. I am relieved to be proved right, to see a woman and child appear from an alley nearby, a man pull up in a council van. “People can see,” I say again. I look at the girl, “If anyone needs to walk away.” Continue reading


Things I’ve been doing…

Somehow it’s August. Though I haven’t written anything just for here in quite a while (er, did someone say January…?) I have been busying around elsewhere. Here’s a few of the things I’ve been doing…

The GalleryI made a radio programme! The Gallery is a show exploring culture and the arts through the lens of faith. It’s half an hour of performances and interviews with talented, interesting people talking about their work including painter Charlie Mackesy, comedian Jo Enright, award-winning poet Michael Symmons Roberts and TED talk slam poet Harry Baker. Have a listen, tell me what you think and if you like it, tell your friends (#TheGallery). There are extended interviews online too so you never have to be starved of insight and loveliness ever again. Listen here. 

LinahI’ve been writing too, mostly about culture, society, and women. It’s been two years since my friend Linah was killed by her ex-partner. I wrote about her life and death after the murder trial was finally over last year in The Independent (piece here) and to remember her again I wrote a piece this week for Cosmopolitan after an incident that reminded me how domestic violence is an on-going issue nobody should look away from. “If the pattern of the last decade continues, there will be another Linah every 3.5 days. Another woman killed by male violence. Another name kept alive through words only. Another headline fading into a statistic. Another funeral, inquest, and trial. It appears I can not walk by anymore, literally or figuratively. Though it’s painful for Linah’s death to overshadow her life, reminding the world she existed may help to change the outcomes of other women.” Read the full piece here.

Going back into my past life, when I used to travel the world visiting factories, I interviewed stylists, experts on ethical sourcing & buyers to find out if things have changed and how we can buy better: “Before that final transaction in a busy high street store, costs were incurred right across the world and the greatest costs landed with the people with the least power and fewest options. Our low price is someone else’s compromised life. We have privilege, we have choice and we’ve started to feel entitled, leaving the ethics to someone else despite evidence of exploitation.”   Click here to read  We all deserve a better high street.

Vision expressI wrote about how images of war are used to sell products. This is Who is that boy? Faraway wars and western media: “A bedraggled, bewildered, toddler clutching a grubby teddy bear, alone in the rubble of an unnamed land. Not the latest news from Syria, Iraq, or Ukraine, but the debut of a new advert for an optician.” Read more here.

sandra-blandI write a lot about how women are represented in media, including this review of recent news: It’s been terrible week for women and yes, it matters. Covering an array of stories from the changing of the Tesco self-checkout voice to the deaths of black women in police custody, “Every time women are quietened or silenced, reduced to a transaction, commodity or prize, it reduces our value in the eyes of the world. To be considered more “interesting” dead than alive is not surprising in a media age that bombards us with images of glamourised violence and decorative sexuality.”  Here’s the article.

In NSFW: Not Suitable For What…? I wrote about images of women’s bodies available online, ranging from pornography to beauty advertising. “From their early years, women hear how their bodies are useful, or not, to men. They will be told they are the cause of anger, frustration, lust, danger, and confusion… In church women’s pesky bodies have been stumbling blocks, Delilah-esque destroyers, Biblical seducers, property of husbands, that could be tested and cursed according to his whims, and an undermining presence for men’s spirituality and even identity, feminising men away from the church with our jiggly bits, and even from belief in God. Who knew hips really could lie?Carry on reading here.

Elderly-couple-walking-near-beach-editedI’ve written a few words on love and relationships too. I always start by wondering, and here are a few places those wonderings ended up. I was wondering… if you’re attached explored how our early years experiences can affect the way we approach relationships as a grown up. I was wondering… why you’re hiding looks at the pointless pursuit of perfection and increasing pressure to hide our flaws and dismiss others for theirs, and I was wondering… how to have a happy marriage about just that. There’s a whole archive of thoughts and advice if you simply must know more.

baby its cold outsideAnd because the world is sometimes an amusing place, here’s a highly seasonal piece I wrote for the people at Funny Women back when we were all shivering under duvets. Have a read of Baby it’s cold outside here. Their revamped site is looking fancy and now links to other things I’ve written for them, about my nieces’ insatiable love of One Direction, and why wildlife seems to find me irresistible in a heatwave.

Premier awardsAnd if you’ve been writing, blogging, tweeting or anything else online this year you might be interested in a rare opportunity to have me judge you. What a treat! Find out more about the Premier Digital Awards here. Entries close on September 4th so still time to nominate your favourite people. Oh, and if you’ve always wanted to hear me explain BDSM to a woman from Canterbury, I’m delighted to oblige. That should keep you busy for a little while…

Why listen to women speakers?

I don’t speak at Christian events in order to be famous. Promise. In fact they come at a cost. Working in the creative industries, writing words and stories, faith of any sort isn’t a badge of honour. I don’t really fit in the Christian camp either. I’m not the obvious choice to invite to your women’s event and I’m in nobody’s worst, wildest, dream a traditional preacher. Topics I’ve spoken on relate to what I know how to do – writing, creativity, publishing, culture, media and storytelling – and sometimes what’s required to see those things through if that’s where you’re called. The hard work and resilience needed, the importance of identity, discipline and persistence in the face of tough and unforgiving industries, how to make good choices and balance huge success (should it come) and abject failure (which definitely will) through a lens of faith. A man could speak on those topics too; if I’m asked it’s because on that occasion my version of events, observations and experience is the one that fits the bill. Continue reading

Round up

It’s been a busy couple of months so here are a few links to things I’ve been doing, on the off-chance you’re interested. It’s rare that I’d describe anything I do as Important-with-a-capital-I but I believe this first thing is. If you missed it, I wrote last month about the death of my lovely friend Linah for The Independent. Linah’s former partner, a man I also knew, killed her in front of their young daughter in July last year. LinahDomestic violence is shockingly common and yet still seems distant and hard to imagine unless it affects us directly. As a society we seem to be unwilling or unable to act to change what we believe to be private matters. So many things went wrong in Linah’s situation and sadly many people are experiencing very similar situations today. If you want to read about my friendship with Linah, the Independent piece is here, and there are a number of links at the bottom of it that provide further information. If you want to do something, charity Refuge are campaigning for a public enquiry into responses to domestic violence and you can read more and join here.

In more trivial matters, I also dispensed a few opinions on the romance front for Christian Connection. Inspired by the question “What does it take to be a good man?” I shared a few thoughts here. As usual, I don’t think whether you’re a man or woman is a determining factor in whether you treat others well but tell me what you think (though do play nicely – that’s kind of the point).

For Threads, I wrote about the light-hearted topics of power and dissent in a piece called ‘Shouting over the music’ and how easy it is to shut out valid challenge or even criticism because the source isn’t friendly or regarded as an ally.

And if it’s not enough for you to read my priceless pearls of wisdom – or you need help dropping off –  there are a couple of unexpected opportunities to hear me ramble and see my actual face talking. At last year’s Greenbelt festival I did an unexpectedly sarcastic-sounding talk as part of the ‘By the time I’m 40 I don’t want to be…’ series on defying social expectations.   My topic was ‘not being defined by marital status’ and you can watch it here (particularly recommended if there are ten minutes of your life you urgently need to fill with an eye-rolling woman sounding caustic about Christian marriage culture).

And finally for Premier Radio, a whole half hour of me talking (note: this can not be taken as proof there isn’t a God) on ‘The Leadership File’ interviewed by the very nice Andy Peck. You can listen here if you’re falling short of your required levels of exposure to mild and unintentional heresy today (only from me; Andy’s spiritual credentials are im-peck-able).

And that’s all. Over and out.

How to be a woman (according to This Morning and the CRE)

Being a proper woman is my life goal and thus I turn – as do many females working from home, taking care of children or not otherwise engaged – to ITV’s This Morning where lessons in excelling in femininity flow daily. Award winning and with an audience of millions (them not me), I’m in good hands.

I can expect my outfits to be analysed and graded by an all-knowing panel of reality stars and a jaunty Irish man, expert in culotte length and the ways of the box pleat. I am told nude heels will add a classy touch to any outfit (assuming I’m nothing other than pale and white, obvs) though also that heels are out and sandals are in – a paradox I can digest more easily while utilising the information that white chocolate goes well with sparkling wine. I have learned Continue reading

Maybe next year

Another event, another all or mostly male line up. Some notice, many don’t. Those who do, ask questions. Those who hadn’t noticed often push back. For many there is no problem, no discussion. The organisers invited; no women – none – were free. Order is restored and the response is straightforward, logical.

Maybe gender doesn’t matter:

I just want to hear from the best

Or understanding, placating:

At least you tried

What a shame they were busy Continue reading